No More Damage Control
When I started on my path to sobriety, I often told myself that I would drink again. I didn’t know when, but I kept saying that eventually I would be able to have a beer or two when going out to dinner. I figured I would get to a point where it would be easy to just have one or maybe two with dinner or while at a baseball game.
I talked with friends, and they would often ask me, “Are you ever going to drink again?”
My reply: “Well hell yes I will!”
They would press further: “Are you going to drink at your wedding?”
My reply: “Well hell yes!”
Months before I decided to quit drinking, Nina and I had already planned our vacation. We were going up to see her family in Boston. While there, my beloved LA Dodgers were going to be in town to play the Red Sox, so her dad got us tickets to the game. What goes with baseball? Hot dogs, beer, and peanuts!
Leading up to the vacation and the baseball game, I figured I’d be at a point where I could easily have a beer or two. However, with each new day came the realization that I didn’t need to have that one beer, let alone two beers.
When Nina and I would go out to dinner, she would be worried that I’d want to drink because we were at a place that sold alcohol. With every new experience of going out or over to a friend’s house, I began to realize that I didn’t need to drink at all.
All the things I used to do had alcohol involved in one way or another. I was either bringing it home or making sure whatever it was we did, there was a source of alcohol for me to get. At no time did I think this was an issue because I was simply doing what most people do: Go out with their wife/husband, have dinner and a few drinks, and then come home.
Looking back on it, I realize that I consumed A LOT of beer when going out! It’s almost as if I wasn’t sure if I could drink enough, so I just kept them coming. One after another after another. The sad part is that I didn’t feel drunk and would often be the one to drive us home. I not only put myself in harm’s way, but I put the woman that I love with all my heart and innocent people on the roadways in harm’s way.
The reality is that I was functioning as an alcoholic, and the decisions I made were the direct result of my drinking habits. There were too many mornings that I would wake up and check my phone to see if I needed to do any “damage control”—either from phone calls, texts, or social media posts.
